When I Ask “How Are You?”When I Ask “How Are You?” This is What I Want To Know

“How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?”

When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know.

-Omid Safi

Some of us are trained at our front desk or retail jobs to say, “Hi, how are you?” and some of us like to be the one to ask the grocery store clerk before they ask us. For many of us, we really want to know how others are doing, and we care about the answer. But, the answer tends to be the same. Multiple times a day we answer, “Good, how are you?” in response to the monotonous question. Will there be a day where we say exactly what’s happening in our hearts? Where we answer the question by saying that we are feeling depressed, full of love, eager, excited, or hurt? Where they respond telling us that they are feeling anxious, at ease, frustrated, or joyful? Are we able to look each other in the eyes and express what is hanging heavy on our hearts or sitting lightly on our souls?

I desire a small talk that turns into a deep talk. Where we we discuss more then just the color of my shoes and more then the football game on TV. Where the man that serves me my coffee tells me that his new puppy brings immense joy to his daughter. Where my co-worker shares with me that she’s really missing the sound of her dad’s laugh. Where I share how scared I am to go back home because my grandmother won’t be there anymore. That to me, could be a ‘real’ conversation. A connection that goes deeper then what you can see on the outside of me and deeper then what I can see on the outside of you.

That is vulnerability.

Showing the parts of us that we are conditioned to hold back when someone asks us how we are doing. We are conditioned to hold back what’s perceived as unpleasant, pointless, or irrelevant. However, sitting back and judging that our new puppy story is irrelevant or that our fear and sadness is unpleasant is dictating, with our minds, what our heart is or isn’t allowed to express. And what do we say when we’re busy dictating our own heart… “I’m good, how are you?” which leaves little space for a connected conversation.

You see, I’d like to know what’s in your heart.
To know about the dark spaces hidden beneath your smiles
and the light places underneath your sorrows.
What conjures up your fears and what catapults your passions?
Your past may be your story, but your heart is your glory.

So how is your heart at this very moment?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Michele Miller is a writer for The Open Mind.

Read more at http://www.the-open-mind.com/when-i-ask-how-are-you-this-is-what-i-want-to-know-2/#02i7tqKXeLUZAQXY.99